


The Voice Of Reason

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e04 Triggers, Hopeful Ending, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Season/Series 03, Touching, because we need one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 18:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21040967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Buck’s not surprised when he finds himself at Eddie’s after his dinner with Bobby and Athena.





	The Voice Of Reason

**Author's Note:**

> This is my way of dealing with how I’m feeling after the episode. Which isn’t happy, and maybe a little nauseous. So here we are.

Buck is spiraling. He knows he is. His heart is pounding and his hands shake as they grip the steering wheel. He's not even thinking of where he's going as her drives, only that he can't be at Bobby's. 

Still, when he pulls up outside of the familiar white house he's not surprised. Where else would he go when his world has been turned on its axis?

He's not thinking about what time it is when he knocks on the door. Not until he's face to face within Eddie. He's in his pajamas, looking softer than Buck's ever seen him. 

A now familiar rush of longing hits him, but he pushes it away. Now isn't the time for that. Buck sighs and moves past Eddie into the house. 

"Buck?" Eddie asks, his face pinched in concern as he watches him. "What's going on?"

Buck laughs, sounding slightly hysterical. "I didn't know where else to go. I just… God. It's all falling apart again, Eddie. I thought things were good and soon I'd be back with you guys. I thought..."

Warm hands settle on Buck's shoulders and Buck stills. "Buck. Stop and take a breath. Then explain to me what's happening."

Buck does as Eddie asks. He inhales deeply, waiting a few seconds before giving a long exhale. He's not sure if it's the breathing or Eddie's touch that calms him. Probably both. 

"I had dinner with Bobby and Athena," Buck says. "And it was going great, you know? Until…"

"Until what?" Eddie prompts. 

"All this time I thought it was the higher ups stopping me from coming back, but it wasn't. It's Bobby. He doesn't think I'm ready. But I _ am _. I've been working so fucking hard for this, Eddie. But it's not enough for him. Why?"

"I'm sure he has his reasons," Eddie says. Buck's only consolation is he doesn't look sure. 

Buck laughs bitterly, "Oh yeah. Sure. His reason is that he doesn't believe in me anymore."

"Buck, I'm sure that's not true," Eddie says. "You've just been through a lot. He wants to make sure you're ready."

"So what?" Buck says, looking at Eddie in disbelief. "You're on his side."

"I'm on your side, Buck," Eddie says. He squeezes Buck's shoulder, and Buck relaxes just a bit. "None of us want to see you get hurt again. Especially me. Almost losing you three times was hard enough. Don't put us through that again. Just wait until you're ready, and don't rush this."

"I'm not…" Buck says, but even he is starting to doubt it now. Is he? Sure, he's been doing more to take of himself lately, but _ is _ that enough.

"I'd love nothing more than to have you back with us Buck."

Buck has a flash of the new girl at the station, of the way she was with Eddie, and scowls. "Are you sure about that? Seems you had no problem replacing me."

A warm hand cups his chin forcing Buck to meet Eddie's eyes. "No one is replacing you, Buck. No one."

"Lena…"

"Is nice but she's not you."

Buck swallows thickly, unable to look away from Eddie. He finds himself moving forward, needing to be closer. "Eddie…"

"Dad! Dad! Daddy!"

Startled, Buck turns towards where the panicked cry is coming from Christopher's room. "Is that…?"

"He's been having nightmares," Eddie tells him, already starting down the hall towards Chris' room. "Every night since the tsunami."

That explains how tired Eddie has looked these past couple of weeks then. Buck doubts he's been getting much sleep if Chris has been having nightmares. Something that sends a flash of guilt through him. How had he not realized?

Buck watches from the doorway as Eddie wraps Christopher up into his arms. He holds him tightly, murmuring quiet reassurances to him. 

Eddie looks in his direction. "Buck's here."

Buck smiles when Christopher looks his way, and approaches the bed. At Eddie's nod he sits down next to them. "Hey buddy. Bad dream?"

Christopher nods, "I've been having a lot of bad dreams."

"Me too," Buck says.

"Really?"

Buck nods, "Really. They scare me sometimes. But you know what? You are so lucky because you have your dad here to help you through them."

"Who do you have?" Christopher asks him. 

"He has us," Eddie says. The look Eddie gives him tells Buck he's not just talking about his nightmares.

Buck feels selfish suddenly. His problems seem trivial compared to this. Does he want to be a firefighter? Of course. But this is important too. Something tells him if he went through with the lawsuit like he'd even briefly considered he would lose both Eddie and Christopher. That's one thing he's not going to risk. 

He can be patient and wait this out. He'll prove to Bobby he's ready and not a liability. He'll get his place back at the 118, but he'll do it the right way. Most importantly of all, he'll be here for Eddie and Christopher like they've been there for him so many times before. He'll be there for his family.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading! Any kudos/comments make my day ♥  
[My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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